Lingering Abyss
by reylrit
Summary: After a horrible clash with the remaining lackeys of the Z organisation, Mikan lost her sanity due to a fatal blow, thereafter growing distant with everyone else, except for one. sad fic
1. The Sleeping Angel

Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice does not belong to me.

Summary: After a horrible clash with the remaining lackeys of the Z organisation, Mikan lost her sanity due to a fatal blow, thereafter growing distant with everyone else, except for one.

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**Lingering Abyss**

**Chapter 1: The Sleeping Angel**

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The lights were dim, except for the lamp on the bedside table, casting a subtle orange glow on its surroundings, namely the girl lying on the bed, covered by pristine white sheets and eyes closed in a dreamless sleep.

Her hair of auburn and copper spread around her like a fan, framing her delicate cheekbones. The orange glow on her face disguised the sickly green that has invaded, as evident on her hands that were left out of the white blanket. Light purple veins could be seen on her small hands, which stayed as still as they could possibly be, as though their owner did not have the intention to move them at all.

The girl lying on the bed with the pristine white sheets looked as though she had been devoid of life, as though she had taken her last breath and made an escape to the afterlife. The only sign showing that she was in fact, still alive and breathing, was the steady clouding of her oxygen mask, excruciatingly slow to the people watching around her, but deep inside they all knew that it was the best the girl could do presently.

The night was dark and the moon was hiding somewhere behind the thick fog. It was winter time and visitors to the girl had fallen from before, from the start when she was just admitted into this hospital room. Still, there was a steady group of people who kept coming back to visit her, even though they knew she could not possibly know that they were there, just for her.

They had tried, over and over again, to wake her up from her deep sleep, to call her out from the dark place where she was residing, to the world full of brightness where she had loved the most, yet it was all in vain. She never stirred, not even once, not even slightly.

She had declared once before, "This world is full of brightness and happiness, and so I belong to it! I'll be sad if I'm ever going to leave it one day!"

No one at that time knew that as soon as those words got out of her mouth, Fate would have her cruelly taken away from this world, away from the sparkling vitality of life, away from constant smiles and laughter, into this lifeless doll of a girl, her very last wisp of breath desperately trying to hold on to this empty shell.

The doctor had given his final dignosis of her condition after much deliberation. The consequences were grim, he had said. No one who had gotten hit by that Dangerous type Alice could ever have survived, logically speaking. Yet unbelievably she still retained a weak breath of life in her, however small and fragile it might be, much to the surprise of the people around.

People had raised their hopes in anticipation of her finally opening those hazel eyes of hers, getting out from her unconsciousness and greeting them with much enthusiasm, just like before in the good old times before the war had began. Yet they had their hopes let down as days passed. Even as four seasons passed, she still remained there, motionless.

The war had been destructive, much of Gakuen Alice had been destroyed due to the raging infernal that had sprung up on that unforgettable day. Students had panicked once they heard the rumour of an attack by the invaders and the entire school was in an uproar in an instant. It took the efforts of a group of students to have the situation under control, to calm the student population down and to put out the fire. It took them long and at times some of them were about to give up, but the thought of leaving the school by itself, of leaving the helpless to fend for themselves, brought them quickly back up again.

The war was won in the end, even when the students who fought against the invaders were sorely outnumbered against them. It was only by a sheer stroke of luck that most of them had gotten away relatively unscathed, almost all of them, all except one girl.

She was all of 15 years old, about to enter a new phase of life with the person whom she had decided to be the most important one out of the many best friends that she had. She had been slow in realising his love for her due to his careful hiding of it from her, for fear of implicating her with the many burdens he had with him. But eventually she had grown to accept him, past the boundary of innocent love and friendship, to that of a different nature, that of romantic love.

They had been the subject of much gossip in school, for it was not every day that you see the school's most notorious persons get together as a couple. They were well-known around, he for his Dangerous type Alice, the Fire, she for her controversial and unique Alices, the Nullification and the Steal. Both of them seemed to be utterly mismatched, he with his cold and intimidating exterior, she with her perpetual cheeriness and wide innocent smiles that could reach the hearts of even the coldest person. Yet strangely enough, they had fit together like two well-made pieces of puzzle that formed a picture of bliss. Blissful, they had been. Yet, despite the promises of a better tomorrow, despite the seemingly bright future for the both of them, Fate had decided to play a cruel trick.

Fate had brought the invasion in Gakuen Alice, Fate had brought war and destruction, Fate had brought fear to the students and Fate had also torn them apart. While the school had been quickly rebuilt into its previous glory and sophistication and while the students who were hurt had mostly recovered of their superficial injuries, and while normal school life was regained, there remained one unfortunate one out of them all.

Strangely enough, Fate knew who to deliever that fatal blow on, should Fate had been a person, she would most likely be smiling with undisguised glee, for her decision to injure that person on the inside had been right indeed, should she want the entire school and particularly the people closest to her to feel deep waves of misery and guilt. Misery, for she had possessed the brightest smile no one could compare to, not even the sun in its majesty, yet the shine had gone out of her as fast as the time it took for her to fall to the ground on that burning night. Guilt, for she had been one of the students entrusted with the task of hunting down the invaders and for helping the other students out of their induced abnormal states of mind caused by the invaders, the responsibility upon her had been heavy and grave, yet she took it on with much grace and enthusiasm, vowing to restore the school to its usual peace and promising to help her fellow schoolmates return to a normal school day. No one had been able to help share her responsibility, even the ones closest to her could not come close to the understanding of the burden of having two such Alices which caused the Elementary School Division Principal to have his eyes upon. They had been great friends to her while she was still laughing merrily but now they could not stop blaming themselves for the things they could have done to have helped her lighten her burden, to have helped prevented this tragedy from falling upon her.

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The door creaked open, its sound on the hinges threatening to wake the sleeping girl up. Soft footsteps echoed in the room as the visitor walked towards the bed, where the girl continued sleeping, oblivious to the new arrival to the otherwise lonely room.

The visitor's steps grew even softer as he got nearer, as though he was afraid of disturbing the peaceful sleep the girl was having, as though should he get that bit louder, she would have been frightened and would then slip further away into oblivion.

He pulled out the chair next to the bed and sat on it silently, his blazing red orbs focusing on the face of the girl. Pale porcelain complexion, devoid of life and warmth, eyes closed as though they had always been that way, with long pale eyelashes brushed upon her skin. This was the girl whom he had been coming to meet each night, every night without fail. It was during the night when her other visitors would be absent, though the number of visitors had fallen recently. It was during the night when he could be with her alone, just the two of them in a lonely room, all by themselves with no other disturbances.

He craved none of this companionship with others. Campanionship without the most important person to him out of the people in this entire world would be meaningless. No one would be able to replace the sleeping girl in his heart. It seemed as though his heart had been carved permanently to have a place specially reserved for her, which no other person can even come close to replacing.

He placed his hand gently across the cheek of the girl, willing it to grow warm, willing her usual rosy colour to come back to life, willing everything to be alright.

_Without a word you left,_

He let his hand slowly caress the porcelain texture of her face, his hand beginning to tremble slightly as he tried to memorise her features by touch, every single one of them.

_Even though we had promised each other before._

Drops of tears came dripping down from his face and he let them fall, his other hand not raising to wipe them away.

_You left a void in me,_

His tears came dripping onto the bedsheets, forming a wet spot that's growing larger as each second ticks by, yet there seemed to be no sign of stopping.

_One which could not be filled no matter how hard I tried._

His body began to tremble slightly, his head bowed low and his hands clenched tightly upon the pale, small hand of the girl.

_When could I see your spark come back to life again?_

He held the girl's lifeless hand close to his face and let it come into contact with his flow of tears, as though he wanted her to sense his grief, his silent scream inside that is begging for her to respond, even a little.

_Couldn't you wake up for just a second?_

He brought his lips to her hand and kissed the surface softly, the touch gentle, loving.

_I miss your laughter so much,_

He leaned forward and brushed her fringe softly, feeling its silky texture, his eyes of a deep wine red gazing at her.

_Your cheer, your smile and most of all, your love._

His eyes conveyed sorrow, lonliness and desperation.

_So, wouldn't you wake up already,_

Once again, he let his tears stream down his face, silent yet unwaveringly steady, as though his sorrow knows no limit.

_If not, just for me?_

"Mikan, it's me, Natsume. I'm here again, by your side. So...please, wake up..."

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**Author's Note: So how is it? This is my first attempt at a Gakuen Alice fic and I wanted to make a really sorrowful one. I'm gonna take the direction of the hurt and comfort theme, though of course there would still be romance, just that I want to focus more on Mikan relying on Natsume, as well as the other way round. Please tell me your thoughts after reading this., whether you liked or hated it, and whether I should continue this. Reviews will be very much appreciated!**


	2. Escape

Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice does not belong to me.

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**Lingering Abyss**

**Chapter 2: Breaking Free from the Darkness**

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_...beep... beep... beep..._

The monotonous sound kept ringing in my head, beating at a steady rhythm.

It created a disturbance in my peaceful sleep and I crinkled my brows, while trying to bury in deeper the warm space that my body had been used to occupying.

There's no disturbance in here. Everywhere it's peaceful, warm and dark. It was a good change for once. In the past I hated dark places, in fact I was terrified of the dark. The darkness, to me, is like an expanse of uncertainty. I couldn't see my surroundings, couldn't make out the people around me, couldn't tell if there's anyone who wanted to harm me. That's why I hated the dark, always.

But now, for the first time, I feel safe in the dark. In here, I feel warm and at peace, it's just me here, alone with only the darkness to accompany me. I would have been terrified in the past if I were to be in this kind of situation, but the me right now, for some unknown reason, I happen to love the dark. Instead of shying away from it, I find myself embracing it. The moment I woke up and found myself in this darkness, all I could think of was how warm and quiet this place is. For the first time in a long while, I finally felt at peace with myself, just myself and no others.

_...beep... beep... beep_

There the irritating sound goes again. I opened one bleary eye and took a look around, trying to discern the source of the sound. But all I could see was the same pitch black of darkness. I shifted my body again and ignored the fact that I felt so light, as though I was floating on the sea, and shut my eyes tightly. If I ignored the sound, it would go away somehow, just like in the past when I just came here. The myriad of sounds, of people shrieking in fear, of cries, of heated arguments, all of them I shut them out of my body as I willed myself into a deep sleep. There was nothing for me to return to in that noisy world. I'm here with some quiet finally, and certainly wouldn't break that serenity, not if I could help it.

_... Mikan..._

Wait, hold on. That voice... it sounds oddly familiar, as though I've heard it before. That's weird, I'm not supposed to remember anything. The first time I woke up and found myself in this dark abyss, I tried to recall where could I possibly be before I came here, and yet despite how hard I tried, I couldn't recall anything.

_... Mikan..._

There the voice goes again. Strangely, my heart felt a tug when I heard the deep baritone of the voice. It had a distinct feel to it, as though part of me was tied to it. I struggled to decide what I should do next. Should I just continue sleeping and forget that I even heard this voice? Or should I reach out and latch onto this only clue for me to find out what's beyong this darkness?

What's beyond this darkness... I thought I liked it in here. It's peaceful and quiet, and allows me to have undisturbed time to myself. Yet, something is amiss here now that I think about it.

This silence, it is pretty comforting at first. But for some reason, a part of me has been roused by that voice which sounds like deep, smooth velvet. It's strange, but all of a sudden, I don't feel all that peaceful here anymore. This silence, it has become suffocating by the second. How I wanted to just hear some more noises. I don't care if they are unpleasant, I don't care if they make my heart ache, I just don't want to be surrounded by this suffocating silence anymore!

I twisted my body around, wanting to see an exit that could bring me out of this darkness and silence. It had been warm at first, but now it was becoming colder. The coldness was seeping slowly, but surely into my bones. I could feel myself shivering as the cold got more intense.

Cold... really cold... I thought as I felt my eyes closing as though there is a force pulling my eyelids downwards. Try as I might, I couldn't stop them from shutting. Yet even as I feel my eyes closing, my ears registered a louder sound than before. The voice, the deep velvelty voice, is growing louder and I could sense the anxiousness in it, the exasperation that underlies it.

The voice, so calm before, has now become so agitated. The repeated calls of "Mikan" had increased in repitition as well. Strange, why is that person so insistent on calling that name?

Hold on, how do I know that "Mikan" is referring to a person's name and not some mandarin oranges?

Mikan... Mikan... I thought hard, even as I could feel myself leaving to enter another deep sleep again. It felt so familiar as well, same as that familiar voice which is calling out to me right now.

I'm... so tired... All that thinking must have made me really exhausted. The thought of being able to rest sounds so tempting. Maybe that's enough for now, it's ok to just ignore my thoughts earlier and just continue with my deep sleep. They might just be figments from my imagination after all, who knows? All I know is that I'm feeling really, really tired right now. That warmth that I'm beginning to feel, pushing away all the coldness earlier, is now coming back. I could feel it embracing me and I leaned into that familiar warmth. Here I was again, alone in this warmth and darkness, with nothing to disturb my peace.

Yet, something prevented me from sleeping again. I felt a strange tug in my heart that is willing me to come back up to the surface. Surface? Surface of what?

Against the tiredness of my body, I opened my eyes, and got a shock. There it was, that exit I was searching for earlier. It was a small opening in the midst of the darkness, filled with light instead. Strangely enough, it didn't hurt my eyes like most light would do. Instead, I felt myself being drawn closer to it.

Nearer and nearer to it, I floated. And as I neared it, I could hear that same voice again, except that this time it's louder. It sounded so pained, so desperate that I want to soothe it, or the person that's having that voice. A person, it didn't occur to me before that there could be another person out there. All along, I've grown accustomed to being alone by myself, that the thought of having to meet another person scares me. But nevertheless I went even closer. This voice, I just wanted to cling on to it. Whatever that awaits me on the other side, I'll just tackle it head on.

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Her heartbeat was getting weaker.

The boy with the crimson eyes tightened his hold on the girl's cold and lifeless hand, his long bangs concealing his true thoughts and feelings. Standing around the bed was two other persons, a boy with blond hair, as well as a girl with short, dark hair.

The expressions on their faces were the same, staring intently at the girl lying on the bed and desperately trying to hold in their anxiety and sadness, though their tear-filled eyes betrayed them.

Again, the slowing down of the sound coming from the machine told of the terrible truth, that which they had all been trying to avoid for the past year, that the cheery girl they knew before was going to leave them soon, very soon.

As their cries got louder, and as the boy kept repeating her name over and over again, the girl's eyelids opened.

Hotaru Imai was the one who noticed the girl's wide-opened eyes first. For a moment she was unable to believe that what she was seeing was truly real and indeed happening. Thus imagine her utter joy and surprise when after opening her eyes again, the girl lying on the bed had really opened her eyes.

Mikan opened her eyes and revealed her honey brown orbs to the people present. Her eyes had a glazed quality to it, almost as though they had been obscured by a thick, unscrutable fog, hiding her past emotions and everything else that she had previously owned, including her very life.

Natsume recovered quickly from his initial dumbfounded state at really having his deepest desire of seeing Mikan wake up fulfilled. Immediately, he leaned closer towards Mikan, letting his visage fill Mikan's view.

How long has it been since Mikan had been awake and looking at him? It was just so damn long that Natsume didn't think he could remember. But something was just not right, with the way Mikan was looking at him right now. Her eyes had a faraway look and even though Natsume was certain she could only see him at that time, she seemed to look past him, her gaze glassy and unmovable, as though she was seeing nothing in front of her at all.

This went on for quite a few moments and then despite Hotaru's and Ruka's repeated pleas for him to leave her alone as she was, since it was already a huge blessing that she had awakened, Natsume could not wait anymore. Why is it that when Mikan had finally awoken, she seemed so lifeless, so different from before? Natsume had thought that things would be just fine again when she finally opened her eyes and reveal that pair of radiant orbs which he used to love so much. He hadn't expected this at all, this unemotional side of Mikan, it was almost as though... as though she was _lifeless_, something which he had tried hard not to think about the moment he saw those dull eyes.

"Mikan." said Natsume softly, holding her hand and giving it a light squeeze.

The said girl remained as before, sitting motionlessly on her propped bed, dull brown eyes staring resolutely in front of her, as though she was determined to ignore everything in her surroundings.

"Mikan." said Natsume again, this time his deep baritone voice being louder.

No response again. And this went on for several times more. Even Hotaru and Ruka were holding each others' hands tightly, feeling the anxiety rising with every negative response they got from Mikan.

Natsume slumped back on his chair, his head bowed in defeat and his bangs falling over his eyes to hide his vast disappointment. Yes, indeed he had prayed for Mikan to finally open her eyes and wake up, but what he wanted was not this... this lifeless Mikan. She seemed like a leftover shell of a once lively person, a far cry from what she used to be.

Hotaru then stood up and went out of the room, being the first to realise that the professional help of the doctor was much needed at this moment.

Moments later, the door opened and Yagami Sensei, the doctor in charged of Mikan stepped in. He strode past the three friends of Mikan and stopped beside her. After doing the necessary medical procedures to determine the physical health of Mikan, he finally turned towards the others.

"There does not seem to be anything wrong with Mikan's health right now. Her heartbeat is regular and her blood pressure is within the normal range as well. So there is no need to worry about her health right now."

Natsume, having been staring at Mikan all the while, suddenly rose up, grabbed hold of the doctor's coat and pulled him closer across the bed. His merciless eyes that spoke only of coldness were directed solely at the doctor, and with a voice colder than the winter wind, he said,

"Don't mess around with me, doctor! Look at her! Does she look like she's alright to you?!"

With that, Natsume released the doctor's coat and resumed his original seat, this time grabbing hold of Mikan's hand even more tightly than before.

Taking note of Mikan's dead stare ahead of her, the doctor took hold of her face gently and shone a light into each of her eyes.

Initially there was no noticeable reaction from Mikan but then her eyes widened slowly as the light from the torch the doctor was holding poured into them. Natsume tightened his grab on her hands as her expression changed, from that of a listless and dead one to that of a bewildered one. A crease appeared between her brows and before anyone could react to it, she let out a bloodcurdling scream and pushed the doctor away, letting herself down the bed and then running out of the room.

Natsume was the first to follow after her, running as hard as he could after the woman he loved. Now that Mikan had finally awoken, he couldn't possibly just let her get away like that. What if something happened to her while she was away from his charge? And after this much headway in her recovery from her coma, he had to find out exactly what was wrong with her so he could treat it!

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_Too bright... too bright..._

_I can only get away from there, from the place where there is so much light. _

_My legs can't stop running until they've brought me to a place where there's no more light. Not even a glimmer of light is to be present... I'm not sure why is this so... but just the thought of facing anymore of such brightness is intolerable..._

_I can't stand it... no matter what I can't stand it! The light around me... if it doesn't get away from me, I'll just run away from it!_

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Mikan ran out of the hospital, surprising the people she passed by and with the group of people chasing right after her, they made quite a scene.

While running away, she shielded her eyes with her hands, letting her see enough of the way ahead of her, allowing her to make her way while still shielding herself from the dazzling light around her.

She must have been so desperate to get away, as could be seen by the pace she was running. Soon she rushed past the large glass doors of the hospital and seeing a dark alleyway just across the road, made a dash for it.

So focused was Mikan on her destination that she missed the oncoming vehicle. Before her ears registered the loud screeching sound made by the braking car, she felt herself being carried away from the road to the pathway beside it.

Her view was now filled with the image of a dark haired person. His head was blocking the sun from where she was looking, colouring the hair of the person to a deep shade of indigo. Against the dispersing rays of sunlight, all Mikan could see was the silhoutte of the person currently carrying her. His hold on her was gentle, his touch on her felt warm. Being cradled softly like that, Mikan couldn't help but feel that in this person's arms, she was being loved.

Without having a conscious thought about it, Mikan found herself snuggling into the person's chest like a kitten wanting to be adored. And in response, the person brought Mikan's head closer into his chest and tightened his arms around her, as though wanting to shield her from the onlookers' curious gazes.

Together, they made their way back to the hospital from where they first came from, with a tiny form now snugly wrapped in Natsume's embrace.

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It had been a week since Mikan had woken up. The news had spread like wild fire around Gakuen Alice. Students of the school came in large groups initially to visit her. Even students who entered the school after the end of the war who should not have met her in person, came over to give their thanks to one of the persons who risked their lives for the school.

Mikan's reaction to these good-willed visits had been extremely heartwrenching. She would try to escape the room when anyone visited. Should the door be blocked substantially by a large group of people, she would even try escaping through the window. That had certainly caused quite a scare among the people there. And slowly, the message got across to them that Mikan was not in a condition fit to be around people. The visiting had to be stopped and the students of Gakuen Alice understood that there was still a need for Mikan to rest and recuperate fully.

Another thing about Mikan after she had woken up which her close friends had learnt, was that she shied away from light that was too bright. In those times when she felt slightly better, she would allow a small dim light to be switched on by her bed but in most other times, she had begged pitifully for the lights to be switched off.

It pained Natsume to be seeing Mikan like that. If he hadn't known her before she fell into that comatose state, he wouldn't have known that this Mikan in front of his eyes right now was the same person as that Mikan who captured his heart so long ago. It was beyond depressing.

But still, even with the Mikan who shied away from lights and people, Natsume knew that his feelings for her had never changed. Love, it is such a queer thing. Even when the object of affection had changed drastically, the feeling for the person does not change all. At least, this was for his case. Perhaps Natsume had known in his heart all along that the lively girl he had known as Mikan had not gone away at all. Perhaps he was still harbouring a hope within his heart that the Mikan before his eyes right now would revert to her normal laughing self again. It was the hope that he held, as well as the beautiful memories he shared with Mikan, that had kept him by her side all day and night long.

He wanted to be her support at her lowest point in life, just as she had been that source of strength for him before, when he was still a stubborn youngster who refused to open his heart to anyone. Just as she had helped open his heart to the wonders of the world again, he desired to show her the many beautiful things of the world, all for the goal of wanting to see that vibrant smile of hers again.

With the most gentle touch he could muster, Natsume brushed Mikan's fringe back and watched her sleeping face. The crowds of visitors were now gone, so had Ruka and Hotaru, who had gone home for the day. Now that Mikan had woken up, they had been more relieved. Lately they had both went back to their previous trades, confident that Mikan would be fine as long as Natsume was always by her side.

Ruka had started on his dream of setting up an animal clinic, hoping that once Mikan gets better, he would be able to bring her for a grand tour. Hotaru had went back to the trade of inventing, something which she had liked best since when she was a kid. Thinking that life would get better for all of them gradually, Natsume thought that he was unlike Ruka or Hotaru. Both of them had dreams of their own, dreams which they would eventually realise as time passes by. But as for him, he realised that his dream lies not in setting up a business or doing something which he liked. His dream was to protect a certain someone from any further harm.

In the past, he used to obey the commands of others for the sake of protecting his sister, his beloved family member. But Natsume was clear that his priorities had shifted. When his goal had been accomplished, when his family members had become safe, another person needing his love and protection had appeared. And that person was no other than Mikan.

Slipping into Mikan's bed beside her and pulling the blanket over both of them, Natsume thought fleetingly of Mikan's possible reaction once she realised that she was sleeping in the same bed as another person. But as for now, he was content to just relish in the quiet moments of the night, along with his most treasured person in the world.

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Author's words: Ok, I haven't got started on MikanXNatsume moments just yet, they would be on the next chapter, which I hope wouldn't take that long. But for the meantime, I would like to hear your views on this second chapter. The reasons for Mikan's condition right now would be explained and I do hope that they weren't too exaggerated or anything. But well this is a fanfic so anything could happen. I just hope that I would have the interest to last me till the end of this fic. Remember, please review!

And now for a quick thanks to those people who gave me such supportive reviews!

Dominiqueanne

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Eternallove495

sweetcandy90

lovey-dovey123

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Ava

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I would definitely try to write as well as possible. Until the next time!


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